The Backstory – Why I’m Choosing to Live Differently

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.”  Ephesians 3:20

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For years I lived a hurried lifestyle. I woke up at 4:40 am, was out the door by 5:30, arrived at work by 6:30, and would go non-stop until 5 PM.  After an hour commute home, I’d eat dinner, grade papers, complete coursework, and prepare lessons for the next day.  Then I’d get up and do it all over again.

My life was full, but my cup was empty.  I was running on fumes and doing little to replenish my fuel tank.

My health suffered.  My marriage suffered.  I even put my safety and the safety of others at risk.

I developed shingles twice from prolonged stress.  Quality time with my husband became reserved for weekends.  Then one day on my way to work, while pregnant with my first child, I fell asleep at the wheel and woke up to the jolt of my car crashing into the one in front of me.

Thank God it was a minor accident, but that moment was a wake-up call.  I knew things needed to change.

On my own, the changes I attempted didn’t last long.  I quickly fell back into the same habits, burning the candle at both ends.  Soon I added a new baby into the mix and found myself exhausted and overwhelmed, trying to juggle a demanding job with the demands of motherhood and feeling like I was failing at both.

In an effort to simplify my life and focus on my family, I put my teaching career on hold to care for my daughter full-time.  I thought that once I wasn’t working outside the home things would be different.

But changing my external circumstances didn’t fix the problem.  The white space on my calendar that was no longer filled with work felt uncomfortable.  I felt lonely being home with a baby all day and lazy for not constantly going and doing.  So I did exactly the opposite of what white space was intended for – I filled it.

In my desire to feel productive, I said yes to numerous responsibilities outside the home.  I became overconfident in what I could accomplish, leading to unrealistic expectations and an over-committed schedule.  It wasn’t long before the stress and anxiety I’d experienced before crept back into my life.

Two additional kids and one struggling marriage later, I finally did what I should have done all along – I surrendered my plan and submitted to God’s.  In seeking God’s guidance, He revealed some things that spurred me to make positive, sustainable changes.

God showed me that the source of my stress and anxiety wasn’t my circumstances, it was where I chose to focus, in whom I placed my value, and what I chose to prioritize.  To clear the mental clutter, I needed to fix my eyes on Him, anchor my identity in Christ, and realign my priorities to focus on things of eternal significance.

God brought to my attention that I had allowed productivity, perfectionism, and opinions of others to take power over my life, occupying an illegitimate place of authority that should have been reserved for God.  If I wanted to live life freely, I needed to let those things go, trust God, and put my hope and confidence in Him.

Through His strength, I began to live differently.  I became more intentional about what I said yes to, yielding to what God and my family were asking me to do instead of selfish desires or societal norms.   I started carving out time for self care – exercising regularly, eating well, and investing in my personal growth – so I could better pour out to others.  I started spending time in God’s Word, creating space to hear His voice, and learning how to listen.

The white space I had once taken for granted soon became a sacred place to grow, reflect, and connect with God.  In the stillness of His presence, He began to reveal His purpose for my life.

A crazy prompting to write my testimony led to an unexpected phone call six months later from the leader of my mom’s group.  The woman scheduled to speak had called in sick and she said God placed my name on her heart.  With less than 24 hours notice, she asked if I could “pull something together.”  I didn’t have to, because it was already written.

A new desire to share my faith through writing and coaching has connected me with Godly men and women who have confirmed my calling, encouraged me in my walk, and inspired me to grow.  A recent conversation with a friend about my struggle to let go of my old teaching materials prompted me to pray for God’s direction on moving forward.  The next day, my daughter was sick and stayed home from school.  Having set aside my original plans for the day, I picked up the book Find Your Calling and read this paragraph:

“I have a friend named Jen who worked in a preschool for years.  She loved it and assumed she’d be in the education system for the rest of her life.  Then she noticed an itch for more.  Her marriage had a pretty rocky season, and she wanted to use her story to help others…Unlike others I’ve heard who talked about writing a book or starting a blog, Jen actually did it.  Her story resonates with a lot of women and she’s been extremely successful.  If Jen had continued as a preschool teacher, she might have had a satisfying career.  But she would have missed out on the calling that only she could fulfill.  And millions of women would have missed out on the hope and healing they’ve received because Jen was willing to discern and pursue her calling.” ¹

Replace “preschool” with “public school,” modify “millions of women” (not just yet, but a girl can dream), and there you have it – that is my story.  Right down to the same first name.

Some may say these things are just coincidences, but I believe they’re the product of living on purpose – continually seeking God, waiting expectantly for Him to act, and developing an awareness of His presence.

I never returned to teaching public school.  That place where I was 8 years ago – lonely, lost, uncomfortable, and overwhelmed – was exactly where I needed to be for God to work in me.  A slower pace of life was necessary for a change in character and a change in character was necessary to discern my calling.  It was with a spirit of humility and surrender that I began to hear His voice and see His vision for my life.

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Different

Take a moment to listen to the song Different by Micah Tyler.  Here’s an excerpt that speaks to me:

And I don’t wanna spend my life, stuck in a pattern
And I don’t wanna gain this world, but lose what matters
And so I’m giving up, everything because

I wanna be different
I wanna be changed
‘Til all of me is gone
And all that remains
Is a fire so bright
The whole world can see
That there’s something different
So come and be different
In me

Throughout my season as a stay-at-home mom, God has grown me in ways I never anticipated.  In choosing to live by God’s design rather than by default, my life has taken new direction that I wouldn’t have discovered had I kept living a hurried lifestyle.  While I am not yet where I want to be, I find peace in knowing I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be – living life freely, differently, and on purpose for the unique purpose God created me.  I want the same thing for you.

It all starts with slowing the pace and clearing the clutter so we are free to focus on what matters most.  When we escape the noise, we notice God speaking to us through songs and scripture, opened doors and new desires, promptings and other people.  In surrendering to Him, our life takes new direction and we become a new creation in Christ.  And as we walk with Him, we experience inner peace that is independent of our circumstances – peace that flows from an ever-increasing dependence on Him.  This peace is the essence of simplicity.

Do you want to live simply, freely, and focused on the things that matter?

Are you ready to stop living by default and start living by God’s design?

We have the choice to submit to the chaos of this world or submit to Christ.  Which will you choose?

If you’re feeling overworked or overwhelmed, you are exactly where you need to be for God to work in you.  In our weakness, God’s power is made perfect (2 Corinthians 12:9).  When we stop relying on our own strength, we discover that He is able to do “immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine according to His power that is at work within us” (Ephesians 3:20). 

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Call to Action: Invite God to come and be different in you and join me on my journey from a faced-paced life to a spirit-filled one! Throughout this series, I’ll share what God is teaching me, along with practical strategies to declutter your home, calendar, and to-do list; cleanse your body and soul; and become free to focus on what matters most.  It is my hope that these insights and resources will help you tap into the abundant life God created you to live—one characterized by love, peace, and a clearer sense of purpose. (To also join my email list, click here!)

For added accountability, I’d like to invite you to join our private Facebook group.  As I’ve seen in my own life, we have good intentions, but often lack the willpower, know-how, or motivation to follow through.  By committing our plans to the Lord and encouraging one another, we can start living with simplicity and focus.

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Call to Action #2: In my post, I talk about the effects of living a life where I was “running on fumes and doing little to replenish my fuel tank.” As we begin this series, take a moment to reflect on where you’re starting from. Download 10 ACTIVITIES TO REFUEL and choose one activity to focus on this week.  Share it in the comments or in our Fueled Fit Focused Facebook group.

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References:

1. Partridge, Veronica & Dale.  (2016).  Find Your Calling.  Bend, OR.  Dale Partridge, Inc.