“This is the worst snow day ever!” my daughter exclaimed as she sunk down in her chair, arms folded across her chest. “I wish we had just gone to school!”
“Well, the whole day wasn’t bad, was it? You had fun this morning playing with your brother and sister. And you enjoyed reading your book this afternoon, right?”
“I guess so,” she agreed. “But then I got in trouble and my sister hit me in the head with a water bottle. The end of the day really stunk!”
“You know, the day’s not over yet. We can start over right now–we don’t have to wait until tomorrow. What do you say we use the last hour before bed to play hide-and-seek?”
“Okay,” she replied reluctantly before running off to hide. Five minutes later, now focused on the game, she was fine.
This short interaction with my daughter got me thinking about how we, as adults, also tend to overgeneralize. We take a single or a few negative events and form overarching conclusions based on them. This cognitive distortion, or unhealthy thought process, leads us to make broad generalizations that are an exaggeration of the truth rather than look at the full picture. People who overgeneralize view negative events as never-ending patterns of defeat, which can paralyze them from making positive, lasting change.
Consider how often you find yourself thinking the following statements:
Things never go my way.
I always mess up.
I’ll never change.
I just can’t get it right.
My situation is hopeless.
Each of these is an example of an overgeneralization. “Life is not good,” is another. Are parts of our life hard, messy, or unexpected? Of course! But the fact that you’re reading this on a computer or smartphone means you are also tremendously blessed. You have food and shelter, with money left over. God has supplied you with everything you need and more.
The question then becomes, “How can we trust God’s goodness when we are going through a difficult season?” For the past two years, I have explored this topic in depth as I’ve struggled with chronic pain. This week, as I was reading the Book of Psalms, God showed me the answer. Read Psalm 77:1-9 below, written by Asaph (a prominent Levite singer) in a time of weakness and distress:
I cried out to God for help;
I cried out to God to hear me.
When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
at night I stretched out untiring hands,
and I would not be comforted.
I remembered you, God, and I groaned;
I meditated, and my spirit grew faint.
You kept my eyes from closing;
I was too troubled to speak.
I thought about the former days,
the years of long ago;
I remembered my songs in the night.
My heart meditated and my spirit asked:
“Will the Lord reject forever?
Will he never show his favor again?
Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
Has his promise failed for all time?
Has God forgotten to be merciful?
Has he in anger withheld his compassion?”
Here we see Asaph pouring out His heart to God–his pain, frustration, doubt, and feelings of isolation. Like Asaph, our laments are not indicative of a lack of faith–they are an act of faith. They lead to trust and are a pathway from grief to praise when we are going through crippling life circumstances.
In Psalm 77:10-12, Asaph begins to consider God’s miracles and mighty deeds from the past:
Then I thought, “To this I will appeal:
the years when the Most High stretched out his right hand.
I will remember the deeds of the Lord;
yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
I will consider all your works
and meditate on all your mighty deeds.
Notice what happens as Asaph begins to meditate on ways the Lord has helped him through his darkest times. In Psalm 77:13-20, Asaph’s focus shifts from himself to God—even the word “I” is removed from His prayers. Rather than be encompassed by worry and fear, he is comforted by the memories of what God has done (Zondervan NIV Study Bible, Psalm 77).
Your ways, God, are holy.
What god is as great as our God?
You are the God who performs miracles;
you display your power among the peoples.
With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.
The waters saw you, God,
the waters saw you and writhed;
the very depths were convulsed.
The clouds poured down water,
the heavens resounded with thunder;
your arrows flashed back and forth.
Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,
your lightning lit up the world;
the earth trembled and quaked.
Your path led through the sea,
your way through the mighty waters,
though your footprints were not seen.
You led your people like a flock
by the hand of Moses and Aaron.
Asaph’s source of pain and distress wasn’t God—it was his own doubt. Recalling God’s faithfulness lessened his anxiety and gave him the courage to persevere through difficulty. Similarly, when we are going through a rough season, we can remember how God has provided in the past. Personal experiences, stories from the Bible, and testimonies from others reveal God’s true character—His kindness, goodness, gentleness, and grace. However, God is also incomprehensible.
We are not meant to understand all His ways and He doesn’t promise us answers. He simply asks us to trust Him. Suffering was not the end of Jesus’ story, and it’s not the end of ours either. What can feel like one long Good Friday full of doubts and questions will be followed by a Sunday of hope and celebration. In the words of my pastor, “There is no resurrection with crucifixion!”
If you’re in the midst of a chapter (however long) that you never thought would be a part of your story, I know what that’s like and I see you. So often we want to skip to the end of our story to get to the part where God redeems all things and makes them whole—but there is good news even in the thick of the conflict.
God is here! Right here with us in the middle of our mess. No matter how many steps we have taken away from God, it’s still only one step back (Wayne Mack)! Turn toward Him by turning away from sin and surrendering your will to His.
It is so hard to let go of control when life doesn’t align with our plan, but, despite what our culture tells us, we are not the author of our stories. “We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps” (Proverbs 16:9). So, if you’re trying to grab the pen and write the end of your story prematurely, know that you may miss the amazing things God has for you now.
- His plans for you to give hope to others in the middle of their messy stories.
- Opportunities to come alongside loved ones who are hurting or in pain.
- Healing of your heart, soul, or relationships with others that you may otherwise not have experienced.
- God’s abounding grace that covers us in our most difficult chapters.
- God’s enfolding love that comforts us in our suffering.
I have also found a number of unexpected gifts in my season of pain, including the peace of God, joy through serving, gratitude, and personal growth. (Click here to join my free 5-Day Unexpected Gifts of Pain Series that runs from Monday, March 1st – Friday, March 5th)
In the words of Kaitlyn Bouchillon, author of Even If Not, “God is the One writing the story and He doesn’t need a pencil with an eraser because He won’t make a mistake” (Bouchillon, 2016).
Like Jesus’ disciples, we sometimes forget His promises. We get so caught up in the struggles of Friday and Saturday that we can’t see past them. Let us not forget that the God who knows us best knows what is best for us! His Word says…
- “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
- “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
- “…he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6
The more we dive into scripture and seek to understand the Bible, the better we are able to place our suffering in the context of a larger story. This eternal perspective is imperative to take hold of peace in the midst of adversity.
The day after the conversation with my daughter, I asked her if I could it as an example in my upcoming blog post. “What’s it about?” she asked. “It’s about trusting God in hard times,” I told her. “About how, when we are having a rough day or season it can feel like everything is falling apart, but it’s really just a chapter in God’s larger story that we already know has a happy ending…”
Before I finished, she burst out in song, “God’s not done writing your story…” and I just laughed.
We looked up the song, God’s Not Done with You by Tauren Wells, which we’d both heard many times before, and which I’ve included the video to below. Turns out listening to Christian music at home and in the car pays off, because she knew exactly what I was talking about!
Since you’re here, God’s not done with you either, so I want to encourage you today to not to give up! God is working a great purpose through your pain and His plan is a good one!
In the words of Paul, “the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us” (Romans 8:18). We can hold tight to God’s promise that, after we have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you (1 Peter 5:10).
I honestly don’t know how I would have gotten through the past few years if it were not for my faith. “I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living” (Psalm 27:13 NASB). My belief in God and His ability to turn all things for good is what has kept me going in my moments of greatest pain. My hope is that it will for you too.
God is good—all the time—even when our circumstances are not! He can and will pull us through! Whether that looks like healing, supplying us with strength, or surrounding us with community for support, we don’t know. But, one thing we do know is His plan is good! We can trust and have faith in a God who is greater than the troubles we face!
I am praying that this post strengthens you today! Pour your heart out to the Lord—He welcomes your honest emotions. Present your requests to God through prayer, with praise and thanksgiving. Dig into the Bible and meditate on His promises until they become your internal narrative. And lastly, “choose to believe that He will be enough even if the only answer you receive is Him” (Bouchillon, 2016). Christ is enough and He will carry you through!
Call to Action: If you haven’t signed up for my Mental Health Series, click here to join! To download a printable list of 10 Positive Affirmations to Defeat Negative Thinking, click here. For more information on one-on-one coaching to uncover cognitive distortions and replace them with God’s truth, please contact me at fueledfitfocused@gmail.com. Thank you!
References:
1. Zondervan NIV Life Application Study Bible: New International Version. Tyndale House Publishers. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2005. Print.
2. Bouchillon, Kaitlyn. (2016). Even if Not. Self-Published.
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