Dream Small – Simplifying Our Parenting

“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.  Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”  Deuteronomy 6:6-7

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A few years ago, I was invited to share the literacy strategies I was using at home with my kids to a group of young moms.  As a former educator, I’ve always loved to teach, so I found enjoyment in planning and implementing lessons with my own children.  A woman approached me after my presentation and asked how I “did it all.”  She wanted to know how I took care of my health, home, and kids while keeping up with the daily tasks involved with running a small business.

Here’s my answer:  I don’t.  My house is not the cleanest, I don’t throw Pinterest-worthy birthday parties, and all three of my kids still ride bikes with training wheels.  I haven’t raised star soccer players and my children have eaten hot dogs for dinner more times than I’d like to admit.  But, that’s okay.  Because I’ve learned to let go of trying to do everything in favor of doing a few things well.

In our family, we’ve made the following things a priority:

• Instilling a love for learning and reading in our children
• Fostering an environment of open, honest communication
• Showing our kids they are unconditionally loved by their parents and by God
• Teaching our children what it means to know Christ, love Him, and make Him known

These four goals may seem fairly simple, but to implement them effectively, I must also model them.  Rather than measure my parenting by worldly standards or comparison, I ask myself these questions:

Do my children see me learning and reading?  Am I willing to admit my mistakes?  Do I help my kids understand that mistakes are part of the process and that they do not negatively impact our self-worth?

Do I make an effort to talk to my kids?  Do I show genuine interest in what they have to say?  Do I ask about their day and provide a safe place to share their feelings or obtain accurate information?

When my kids walk into a room, do I stop what I’m doing to smile and greet them?  When they’re talking to me, do I put down my phone and look them in the eye?  Do I send the message that they matter or that other things are more important?

Am I reading my Bible?  Praying with my kids?  Am I striving to be a reflection of God’s image?

As a parent, my primary responsibility is to raise my kids to know and love Jesus.  But, I can’t point my kids to a God I don’t know.  I can’t become a reflection of His image if I don’t have a clear understanding of who He is.

The primary way God reveals Himself to us is through scripture, which is why it’s so important, as parents, that we are in the Word too.  We can’t shield our kids from society, but we can provide them with guidance to make wise decisions that are in alignment with God’s will.  We do this by talking with them about the Bible, writing God’s Word on our heart, and inviting it to be the moral compass that directs the way we live.

“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.  Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”  Deuteronomy 6:6-7

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Dream Small

A few months ago, my church began a movement called “Dream Small.”  The premise behind it is that those who are taught to follow Jesus as a child are most likely to continue to follow Him throughout life.  As we age, pride, self-righteousness, and worldly knowledge become obstacles to our faith.  We believe we can live well without God and dismiss that which we can not logically explain within our scope of human understanding.  For this reason, our church is focusing more of our efforts on reaching children and equipping them to share the Gospel with others.

“Dream Small” is also the name of a Christian song by Josh Wilson.  Take a moment to listen to these lyrics:

It’s a momma singing songs about the Lord
It’s a daddy spending family time
That the world said he cannot afford
These simple moments change the world
It’s a pastor at a tiny little Church
Forty years of loving on the broken and the hurt
These simple moments change the world

Dream small
Don’t bother like you’ve gotta do it all
Just let Jesus use you where you are
One day at a time

Live well
Loving God and others as yourself
Find little ways where only you can help
With His great love
A tiny rock can make a giant fall
Dream small

Recently, I read this in my daughter’s journal (see image below).  It’s a great reminder that simple moments often matter most to a child.  Showing them we love them by playing board games, feeding them breakfast, and even putting them to bed.  What might “dreaming small” look like in your home?  How can Jesus use you where you are?

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Here are ten small practices that have made a big difference in my parenting:

1. Set aside ten minutes a day to connect one-on-one with each child.  For me, this equates to thirty minutes a day.  On the days I’m too busy to set aside the time, it’s a sign that I’m too busy.
   

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2. Find my children’s best talk time and capitalize on it.  For me, this has meant trying to take my kids up to bed earlier so we have time for conversation before they go to sleep.  At meal time, I’ll occasionally use conversation starters like these to stimulate discussion and encourage communication.  What’s your kids best talk time?  Is it first thing in the morning?  In the car?  After school?  At bedtime?
   

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3. Keep a journal (one for each child).  I let my kids write whatever is on their mind and then I reply back.  Some days, it’s a short note and other times they’ll share things I otherwise may not have known.   Writing requires them to put words to what they’re feeling (an important skill) and provides them with a safe place to share things they might be nervous, upset, or worried about.
   

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4. Establish routines for meal time, homework, bedtime, etc. and be consistent in following through.  My children are better behaved when they know what to expect and we establish clear boundaries.
   

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5. Love my kids well by showing them.  For me, this has meant putting down my phone and catching myself when the first thing I’m tempted to say is criticism.  For example, rather than greet my daughter with, “It’s too cold to wear that.  You need to change,” I can choose words that support and encourage (e.g. “Let’s go upstairs and find a sweater to go over your tee-shirt so you’ll be warm.”).
   

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6. Play with my kids.  There are days I feel like I have “more important things to do” than play Legos or dolls, but to my child those small moments mean the world.  As a seasoned mom once shared with me, children spell love T-I-M-E.  The day where they won’t want to play with me will come all too soon, so I want to take advantage of those opportunities while I still can.
   

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7. Show affection through touch (e.g. hugging them, rubbing their back).  Research has shown that children require human touch to thrive.  It is a basic need that is fundamental to their development, a strong relationship with their parents, and their physical and emotional well-being.
   

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8. Pray with my kids daily.  In our house, we complete God time cards after school, read a devotional (Jesus Calling for Kids) at bedtime, and pray as a family before bed.  (Visit Parenting with Purpose: Encouraging Spiritual Growth for links to these activities and additional ideas.)
   

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9. Join a Christian mom’s group or small group and encourage your children to attend Awana, Sunday school, and/or a youth group in addition to regular church.  Having a strong support network, Godly friends, and spiritual mentors is so important, both for us and for our kids.
   

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10. Create family traditions to foster connection. Some occur weekly (e.g. Family Night) and others are monthly or annually (e.g. Christmas cookie baking with their grandparents).  Traditions might also include sayings, scripture passages, or mission statements that bring the family together as a unit.  The stronger our relationship with our children, the more likely they will embrace our values and come to us – instead of go to their friends or Google – with their questions.
    

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I don’t do all of these things every day.  Some days, I do very few.  But on those days where I feel like I’m falling short, I am reminded of my primary purpose – to point them to Jesus – and I am thankful for God’s grace.  Parenting is more than a responsibility – it’s an opportunity to shape us into His image and an invitation to come to Him for refilling.  In our hardest parenting moments, God’s power can work through us, providing us with the patience, love, and self-control we need to parent with purpose and intention.

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Partnering with God in Our Parenting

God chose you to be your child’s mom.  He knew that you’d be the teacher-mom, the soccer-mom, the crafty-mom, or the PTA-mom and He promises to equip each one of us with everything we need to do His will (Hebrews 13:21).  May we seek Him for the wisdom to parent with intention and remember that, above all else, our role is to become a reflection of His image.  May we invite God to shape us through our families and encourage us to dream small – setting aside our desire to do it all to live well, love God, and let Jesus use us right where we are.

Pray the simple prayer below and invite God to show you what “dreaming small” looks like in your life.  What simple practices can you implement to reflect your family’s priorities and build a strong foundation for a Christ-centered home?

Heavenly Father, when my children look at me, help them see You.  Help me to live a life that leaves a legacy for Your glory, pointing to You as the eternal compass that will guide them long after their little hands have left mine.  Help me appreciate the joy in my current season and recognize that the toughest seasons often teach us the most and draw us into a more personal relationship with You.  Equip me to handle the challenges that come my way, trusting that you have it all under control and will work all things for the good of those who love You (Romans 8:28).  Take my hand, just as my children take mine, because I know I can not parent alone.  Guide me in Your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long (Psalm 25:5).  In Jesus’ name, Amen.