Stop Starting Over. Do This Instead.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  2 Corinthians 12:9

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My friend and I chatted on the bench as our children played at the park.  “Here you go,” she said, as she handed me a bright blue book with the words, “Narcotics Anonymous,” written in white lettering across the cover.  “This is the information you asked for.”

It was only a few weeks before my friend would share her testimony of being five years clean at an upcoming NA meeting and, as I heard bits and pieces of her story, I was fascinated by the process of behavior change.  As a coach and writer on health and wholeness, I long to help women build sustainable habits for their physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being.  Here was a woman who, after repeated relapses, had finally broken free from her addiction and completely turned her life around.  But how?

That night, I opened the book and began reading.  Before I got to the first word, I was stopped in my tracks by an image in the forward.  The Narcotic Anonymous symbol was a four-sided pyramid where each side represented a key component to an individual’s recovery.  The four components are: Self, Society, Service, and GOD.  The four sides rise from the base into a pyramid with one word written clearly at the top: FREEDOM.  If just one of the key components is missing, the chance of the individual’s recovery greatly diminishes and the pathway to freedom is incomplete.  (Translation: Without God complete freedom and healing are unattainable.)

As I continued reading, I arrived at a section titled, “How It Works.”  These were the famous 12 steps that every successful recovery program, including Narcotics Anonymous, Alcoholics Anonymous, and Overeaters Anonymous, uses to help participants make sustainable changes.

Step 1 is for the individual to admit that they lack the power to overcome their addiction and that their lives had become unmanageable.  Step 2 is to believe that a Power greater than themselves can restore them to sanity – to a state of physical, mental, and spiritual wellness.  That “Power greater than themselves” is specified in Step 3.

Step 3: “We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God.”

Stop Starting Over

Whether we are battling an addiction or just trying to break free from bad habits, negative emotions, or past hurts, if we want to stop starting over, the answer is not as simple as “stop giving up.”  It’s to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God.  This doesn’t mean we will never have setbacks, but we can end the repeated cycle of falling back into the same, unhealthy behavior patterns.  Instead of doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, we can stop relying on our limited willpower and seek God’s power to overcome temptations and implement sustainable changes.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  2 Corinthians 12:9

Our culture tells us if we just try harder, work smarter, and believe in ourselves we can achieve anything we set our mind to, but this is a false narrative.  Feel good messages such as “You Are Enough,” are not grounded in biblical truth and promote a false sense of pride and security that keep us from going to God.  It is true that God loves you just the way you are, but He also loves you too much for you to stay that way.  He wants to use your shortcomings to draw you closer to Him and shape you into the image of His Son.  To rise to freedom and overcome destructive habits we must humbly admit that we need Christ in our lives.  On our own, we are not enough – but He is!  It is through acknowledging this truth that we learn humility and become able to surrender to the work of the Holy Spirit within us.  Only then can we regain control over our habits and our life.

Turning Toward God

A few years ago, the leader of Celebrate Recovery (CR), a support group for individuals struggling with “hurts, habits, or hang-ups” (i.e. all of us), talked about the program with my church.  She shared an experience she had with a counselor who told her, in order to make changes, she needed to “be like Nike and just do it.”  Her response cracked me up.  She said, “Lady, if I could be like Nike and just do it I wouldn’t be paying you $100 an hour.”  That’s when she started attending Celebrate Recovery.

A couple months later, I attended a CR meeting (again, it’s not just for people with addictions).  I noticed they used the same 12 steps, along with biblical comparisons.  Step 3, “We made a decision to TURN our lives and our wills over to the care of God,” was further broken down into the following:

• T – Put your TRUST in God.
• U – Do not rely on your own UNDERSTANDING, but instead seek God’s will for your life.
• R – REPENT by both turning away from your sins/bad habits and turning toward God.
• N – Ask Jesus into your heart so you can have a NEW LIFE.

At the end of the lesson was a prayer, which I’ve included below.  The more we pray throughout the day the closer we grow to God so that His power can work through us.  I encourage you to say this prayer as often as necessary as you seek God’s wisdom to think and act in a way that is beneficial and productive.

Dear God, I have tried to do it all by myself, on my own power, and I have failed.  Today, I want to turn my life over to You.  I ask You to be my Lord and my Savior.  You are the One and only Higher Power!  I ask that You help me start to think less about me and my will.  I want to daily turn my will over to You, to daily seek Your direction and wisdom for my life.  Please continue to help me overcome my hurts, hang-ups, and habits and may that victory over them help others as they see Your power at work in changing my life.  Help me to do Your will always.  In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

As we strive to implement healthier lifestyle habits, may our weaknesses serve as opportunities to invite Christ’s power to rest on us and His grace to embrace us.  May we remember that our goal is not independence, but dependence on God; not self-sufficiency, but sufficiency from God (2 Corinthians 3:4-5).  Instead of being ashamed of our shortcomings, may we seek Christ in the midst of them and let them move us forward in our journey towards health, healing, and freedom in Christ.

Call to Action: One of the most important components of the 12-step programs is accountability.  Having someone, or a group, to check in with and cheer you on is one of the best ways to prevent relapse.  If you’re looking to build positive habits for your physical, emotional, or spiritual health, I’d like to invite you to join my private Facebook group.  This is no substitute for a recovery program, but we provide support and will walk alongside you on your journey toward health and wholeness.

Resources: In working with clients who struggle with unhealthy habits related to food (e.g. overeating, emotional eating), I have modified the original 12-steps to 7 Steps To Freedom.  You can access this resource on my blog or click here to download a printable copy.

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References:

1. Narcotics Anonymous. 6th ed. Chatsworth, CA: Narcotics Anonymous World Services, 2008. xv. Print.
2. Baker, John.  (2012).  Celebrate Recovery.  Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.