by MaryBeth Eiler
During my elementary school days, I remember being captivated whenever motivational speakers graced the stage to share their stories of beating the odds. Drawn in by their resilience, their ability to keep going in the face of difficult trials, I was always left in awe of the bravery and strength they displayed in the face of adversity.
My love for these stories continued into college. When a motivational speaker was scheduled to speak on campus, you’d find me in attendance. Deeply moved by these stories, not once did I ponder that I too would one day have a “one-in-a-million” story to share. Never did I imagine I too would become part of the odds.
“You will need to have a port placed before beginning treatment, which we’ll start right away.”
After three hours of meticulous review of the past year and a half’s worth of medical history with a new oncology specialist, discovering I needed a port for chemotherapy caused it all to sink in. I held back the tears brimming in my eyes as a mix of sorrow and relief swept through me.
My husband of just six months offered a comforting squeeze. Neither of us had anticipated just how quickly our vows of in sickness and in health would be put to the test.
Months of trialing one unsuccessful treatment to combat my disease after the next had led us to this day. While my heart broke at the need to begin intravenous chemotherapy to attempt to shrink the rare, aggressive Desmoid tumor that was rapidly impairing the mobility of my left leg, deep down I knew we were receiving the best care from our new team of doctors.
Still, the prognosis was daunting. If treatment was successful, we were in it for the long haul. With infusions every four weeks, we were told to anticipate 18-24 rounds of chemotherapy—and that was a best-case scenario. If the treatment failed, we’d be back to square one, and the chemotherapy drugs would only grow more intense as our options—limited to begin with—dwindled further. The life we had envisioned suddenly felt out of grasp.
As treatment commenced, it frequently felt like I was watching someone else’s life unfold, but pain snapped me back to reality—back to the questions looming in the back of my mind that I was too scared to voice.
What if we don’t find an effective treatment that will shrink the tumor?
What if I never walk again?
What if our only option becomes amputation?
Amid fear and uncertainty, life forged ahead. Monthly chemo infusions interspersed with physical therapy and ongoing tests became the benchmarks that comprised our lives.
One treatment down. Then two. On and on it went until I lost track.
Fast forward to the summer of 2020. July 23, 2020, marked one full year in remission; one year since the conclusion of 18 rounds of chemotherapy. A date that will always be significant in my life, but not nearly as significant as the journey—the space where I experienced God’s provision; space where it became evident God was at work.
Month after month of enduring chemotherapy wore on me. There were times I wanted to give up; times I was sure the side effects would not subside; times the loneliness got the best of me; times I wondered if God was really there.
I pleaded with God for chemo to destroy the tumor, to restore my mobility, to end the pain. I clung desperately to the hope that one day these prayers would come true.
Countless moments presented me with the choice to turn toward God or away. Each time, I continued to put my trust in Him. Deep down, I knew the best way through was with God by my side.
It was within the highs and lows, the fear and doubt, that I felt God’s presence, God’s daily provision. I began to see God at work in small, everyday moments that gave me the strength to keep going, that kept me tethered to hope.
God provided encouragement through a timely text from a friend when the loneliness felt too much to bear. God led me to the biblical truth that motivated me to keep going when I was ready to call it quits. God provided relief from pain and the need for medicine as I grew weary of the daily pill regimen.
The years were long and the road was hard, but as I opened my eyes, I found all the ways God met me within the mess.
God showed up and proved that he wasn’t some distant figure, but a loving presence within my life. He never left me or abandoned me. Through His provision, God offered me grace in my weakness and the strength to endure. That’s a God worth knowing.
Call To Action: The holidays are hard for many people, but they are especially difficult this year as we continue to navigate a global pandemic, political division, racial injustice, and ongoing tension in our world. Some of us have lost loved ones, are under financial strain, or are struggling with chronic illness. Whether you’re experiencing physical or emotional pain, I want to help you discover peace, hope, gratitude, and joy in the midst of it. My upcoming video series, The Unexpected Gift of Pain, will shift your perspective and invite you to see the surprising blessings God provides in our suffering. Click here to sign up for the 5-Day Video Series, which starts on Monday, January 4th.
About the Author: MaryBeth is a writer who encourages people to hold onto hope as they encounter unexpected challenges in life. As a rare disease warrior, MaryBeth has found God’s provision in her weakest moments and with it the grace she needs to endure. MaryBeth shares encouragement on Instagram @marybetheiler and at www.marybetheiler.com. Be stirred toward hope in hardship through her monthly Abundant Life Letter.
