To My Friends With Chronic Pain Or Illness, I See You

by Jen Roland

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To my friends with chronic pain or illness,

I see you trying to be strong—
And trying so hard to stay positive.
I see you wearing a smile on your face,
Even though inside you feel like you’re falling apart.

I see you downplaying your symptoms,
When others ask how you’re doing,
To avoid sounding like you’re complaining.
You wouldn’t want to come off as ungrateful.

After all, doesn’t scripture say we should,
“Do all things without grumbling” (Phil 2:14)?
And “give thanks in all circumstances,
For this is God’s will for us” (1 Thess 5:18)?

I am aware of how much energy it takes
To hide the pain so well that others don’t know
How much you are suffering.
It is exhausting.

They say we “carry it well.”
And we take that as a compliment.
After all, we don’t want to be a burden.
Our family and friends have enough on their plates.

It is better to persevere in silence,
So as to not draw attention to ourselves,
Or cause our loved ones to be worried and upset.
Isn’t it? 🤔🤔

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This morning as I was driving, my feet on fire,
I thought, “God must think I’m stronger than I am
To be able to endure this pain for a lifetime.”

Would you believe, at that exact moment,
The song, “Strong Enough” by Matthew West
Began playing on the radio? 

These lyrics resounded in my ears:

“I know I’m not strong enough to be
Everything that I’m supposed to be
I give up, I’m not strong enough.
Hands of mercy, won’t you cover me,
Lord, right now, I’m asking you to be,
Strong enough. Strong enough,
For the BOTH of us.”

Hear me on this:

You are a warrior, not because you can carry this on your own,
But because you are willing to lay down your pride,
Admit your weaknesses, and invite them to draw you,
Closer to Christ and into community.

You do not have to suffer alone.
You weren’t meant to carry the burden yourself.
Human suffering is universal because it was meant to be shared.

We are called to “do life” in community.
To “carry each other’s burdens, and in this way
Fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2).

Allowing others into your story,
Is not burdening them—
It is gifting them with the opportunity
To live out their faith.

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To remain silent is to miss out
On connecting over shared experiences—
To receive empathy, to grow in compassion,
And to be refined in the presence of other believers.

To carry the burden alone is to deny access
To someone else who can minister to your heart.
It is to miss out on experiencing God’s grace,
In ways you never would have known,
Through trying to do it all on your own.

God’s grace is sufficient for you.
His power is made perfect in your weakness (2 Cor 12:9).
Relationships are strengthened through vulnerability.
Our faith thickens the more we learn to trust Him.

Through His strength, we can do for today,
What would appall us if we knew we had to keep it up for a lifetime.
It is a moment-by-moment dependence on the Holy Spirit—
A daily leaning on God and surrendering to His work within us.

Your time will come.
When someone else,
Trying hard to be positive,
With a smile or their face (or not),
Will need you.

And you will be there.
Ministering to her just as you were ministered to.
Pouring out the love and comfort of Christ,
That you received to others (1 Corinthians 1:4).

Like Gideon, you are a Mighty Warrior
Not for what you can do on your own,
But for what God can accomplish through you,
When you come out of hiding and trust Him.
He will use your chronic pain or illness
To bless others and build up His Kingdom.

The testimony of the afflicted speaks volumes.
Those who proclaim “Jesus is enough,”
When comfort and ease are lost,
Present a case for Christianity,
That is not easily forgotten.

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Call To Action: If this letter resonated with you, please share it using the social media icons below. If you’d like to dive deeper into the topic of pain and brokenness, and how they can propel us toward wholeness, click here to join me for a free 5-day blog and audio series, The Unexpected Gifts of Pain. In this series, we’ll explore how physical and emotional pain can lead to unexpected gifts of peace, purpose, growth, gratitude, and joy, as well as draw us closer to God and others. The next 5-day series will run from Monday, May 24th – Friday, May 28th. Sign up here to reserve your spot!