As believers, we are called to set an example “in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12). One way we do this is by modeling the redemptive love of Christ—even when we disagree or have been wronged. In redemptive love, we do what we know to be right, even when kindness is not reciprocated.
Fire never puts out fire—it must be fought with water (in this case, love). In the words of writer, pastor, and podcaster, Carey Nieuwhof, “Very few people get judged into life change. Far more people get loved into it.”
When we choose to respond with love and kindness, we stop the escalation so that neither party says something they’ll regret. Adopting the character of Jesus means we choose to overlook the offense, withhold judgement, and pray for our enemies. In doing so, we transform the situation from one that could have easily led to division to one that cultivates unity and peace (even if we disagree).
To assess whether you’re demonstrating the redemptive love of Christ, ask yourself this question:
When someone disagrees with me, how do I respond?
Am I easily offended? Do I take it personally? Am I quick to react and make myself heard?
Or, do I seek to understand? To listen to another’s point of view (regardless of whether I agree)? To consider a different perspective, and perhaps WHY they might feel that way?
The latter is the only way we can live in unity and peace.
“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves” (Romans 12:10).
We’ll never all agree. But, we can still choose love.
This doesn’t mean we should condone inappropriate behavior or compromise our beliefs—it simply means treating others with kindness, extending mercy and grace, and not holding a grudge.
You won’t find me engaging in political or religious debates on social media, and there is a reason for that. God has shown me (more than once) that doing so never produces the desired results. It doesn’t honor God, nor does it convince or change others. Instead, it fuels the fire.
I created a list and prayer to respond to others in a way that leads to unity—not divisiveness. Next time you’re tempted to react impulsively, remember this quote from neurologist, writer, and Holocaust survivor, Viktor Frankl, and choose a response that conveys love.
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
1. Can you help me understand your perspective/point of view?
2. I would love to understand where you’re coming from.
3. There might be something to that. I’ll have to think about it.
4. I appreciate you sharing your perspective.
5. This is what I think I hear you saying. Is that right?
6. Tell me more about that.
7. I would like to learn more about why you think that.
8. Maybe I’m wrong/missing something/have more to learn.
9. That’s one way to look at it.
10. I hadn’t thought of it that way. I’m wondering about/struggling with/don’t understand (ask a question to get more information).
1. Do you think there might be other ways to see it?
2. Would you ever consider a different perspective?
3. Are you willing to hear my take on it?
If they say no, let it go. It’s not our job to convince others. If they say yes, politely share your point of view. You might ask if they’ve every thought about a specific scenario to help them see your perspective. But again, it is not your job to convince them. (Only the Holy Spirit can do this.)
Let me clarify that I do not think social media is the place to have in-depth or controversial conversations. However, it might be a place to reach out, express your willingness to hear another person’s point of view, and set up a time to chat offline.
We are most like Christ when we refuse to retaliate. So don’t.
Spread love. Strive for unity. Be a peacemaker.
Start by using social media to build up and encourage one another. It’s a small step that makes a huge impact, honors God, and guides us toward unity.
Lord, help me to listen more—to be more concerned with showing others that their viewpoints matter than making myself heard. Help me talk less and not react when I feel attacked, lose an argument, or am offended because I know this doesn’t lead to the righteousness that God desires, but only widens the gap between where I am and who I long to become. Help me pause and choose a response that conveys understanding, compassion, and love. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
