I savor those first few moments of the morning before I emerge from bed where I experience no pain. I lie still and pray for healing, hoping today I might feel normal again.
I roll out of bed and do the stretches recommended by my physical therapist, but so far they’ve made no difference. Before my coffee is done percolating, the burning begins — in my feet at first, and then it slowly travels up my legs.
I fight the mental battle of whether to take the medication and succumb myself to the unpleasant side effects or persevere through the discomfort. I am reminded of the time I chose the latter, and so the medication wins — again.
On the medication, my thoughts are clouded, and I am more forgetful. Words that used to flow freely drip out like a leaky faucet. Activities that once excited me now exhaust every ounce of my energy. The long term impact of this on my health, as well as my ability to write and parent well, concerns me.
“Rest for six weeks,” the doctor instructed after viewing my MRI. “Your herniated disk will heal, taking pressure off the nerve roots. Then the pain will subside.” It’s been eight months, including multiple weeks of bed rest since that diagnosis, but there’s still no change in my disk. I’ve seen seven different specialists, yet the pain persists.
With each new appointment, I prayed for answers for how to move forward. Each doctor had his or her own opinion for what I should do, but their treatment plans returned void. God has been showing me that I can pray for answers, but I can’t put my hope in them.
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