The Art of Daily Rest: My Coping Coffee

by Danielle Pete

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“I’m stopping in at the Village Grind for a coping coffee then I’ll be right over. I’m stressed. I didn’t sleep well. And, if I look like I’ve been crying, tears are my immediate reaction when I’m overwhelmed. But, I’m okay to work. I’ll be fine. I’m good at compartmentalizing. I just wanted you to have a heads up.”

I stared at this text message to my co-worker. I debated the vulnerability, but the tears streaming down my face said it all: I needed to let her in. I reread my message two more times. My finger hovered over the screen.

I hit send.

I threw my phone somewhere in my purse, wiped my face, covered my puffy eyes with sunglasses, and walked in for my “coping coffee.”

My watch didn’t vibrate. My phone didn’t buzz. I took several deep breaths as I put my life in a box in order to ready myself to care for others. I’ve done it a million times. I can do it today too, I told myself. (If licensing boards gave awards for the best acting therapists, I’d—unfortunately—win.)

In my previous job, I wasn’t often given the luxury of breathing. I worked at a psychiatric hospital. I am grateful for the experience I gained, but the environment was high-needs, fast-paced, and life or death, as it needs to be. You name it, I’ve seen it—fresh suicide attempts, alcohol detox for the millionth time, active seizures, the government watching, and don’t forget trauma, trauma, and more trauma. And that’s just in one night.  My job was to keep everyone safe, get everyone help, and then go home and sleep so I could do it all again the next day.

Emotions? Exhaustion?  Paralyzing levels of stress and anxiety?  There was no time for any of that.

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Fill Your Cup

I hopped back into my car, coffee in hand and life tucked not so neatly in a box.

*Buzz*

She replied.

Deep breath.

I grabbed my phone. As I read, more tears flowed. “Why don’t you have a documentation day from home? This job is exhausting and takes a lot out of us. It’s not a matter of you not being able to, but we need to take care of ourselves too. When my cup is empty, I resort to tears too. Go fill your cup.”

Instead of stress and anguish, these tears were filled with relief. I came to the realization that I cannot only breathe, but I can also take care of myself. Frankly, she told me to take care of myself. She gave me permission, but please hear me on this: we don’t need permission from others to care of ourselves—to take a break, embrace rest, or practice self-care.  (And if you feel like you do, consider this post permission from me!)

I continued to tell my co-worker that I feel as though I have to relearn the art of self-care because I have been deprived of it for years. I felt as though I wasn’t allowed to even breathe between clients. I taught myself how to survive the stress and compartmentalize my emotions, so as to not be a blubbering mess every time I heard a patient’s story. Surviving is not the same as thriving though, and I wanted to thrive.

Do you ever find yourself trying to survive the day to day?  Whether it be deadlines, homework, budgets, toddler or teenage sass, life is exhausting. We weren’t created to live a chaotic life, but rather to live in rest with our Creator. The authors of the Bible Project describe Sabbath as a foreshadowing to future rest, “to take a whole day and live as if the ultimate rest has already come.”

How often do we truly take a day to rest though? Not just a rest from our jobs where we go to church, make food for the family, meal prep for the week, and then help the children finish their homework, but a true rest.  I don’t want to hear the excuse, “I’m too busy to rest or take any time for myself.” Girlfriend, let’s circle back to Genesis 2:2, “He rested on the seventh day from all his work that he had done.”

If the perfect Creator rested on the seventh day, why can’t we? God didn’t rest because he was exhausted from creating all of life and bringing reality into being. He rested as an example for us to rest, because we are not God. We try to keep our world moving day in and day out, but we are merely human. I will not deny it is not a struggle and in the midst of our Sabbath children are still whining, people still need to be feed, and life is always calling. It is not easy, and it does not always feel restful, but we can do it if we choose to be intentional.

Moreover, we cannot check out one day a week and assume all our stress levels will be good. We are bombarded with stress almost all day every day, so it is important that each day we practice strategies to find rest in the midst of our busyness. We also cannot lock up our stress and forget about it as I had become accustomed to doing. Jesus slipped away from the crowds and so must we, even if it’s in little bits here and there. Outside of God resting on the seventh day, Jesus is the ultimate example of self-care and implementing healthy coping skills.

Jesus clung to scripture when tempted in the desert by the enemy (Matthew 4:1-11). He took breaks from preaching, teaching, and healing (Matthew 8:19), and instructed the twelve to do likewise (Mark 6:30-32). Jesus withdrew by himself usually to pray without ceasing (Matthew 14:23; 26:36-46; Mark 1:35). He enjoyed nature (Matthew 15:29), and spent time with His friends (Mark 3:13-15). Jesus took time to grieve (Matthew 14:13), and called out to the Father (Matthew 27:46). Bible reading/memorization, rest, alone time, prayer, walks, meditation, nature, and friendships are a few examples Jesus gave us as coping skills to manage stress. If you examine scripture, Jesus typically uses one of these methods either directly before or following a big event, such as a long preaching series or a performing a miracle.

Unlike Christ though, we do not know our future. Heaviness of life tends to blindside us and without healthy habits we are left lost as how to handle our stress, emotions, and overall well-being. On the contrary, if healthy habits (i.e. coping skills) become second nature throughout our daily stress, when we are faced with blindsiding hardships we will be prepared for battle.

Coping skills are unique for everyone. What calms my soul in the midst of a stressful day may agitate yours. Whether we are taking five minutes in the sun, drinking warm tea, sitting in a dark room, or chatting with a friend, the purpose is to calm and center our soul in the midst of the crazy and chaos of life. I love the story of Susanna Wesley, the mother of John and Charles Wesley, who had 19 children total, and still found time to pray. She’d throw her apron over her head and announce, “Mama’s in her tent of meeting.”

Ladies, if sweet Susanna can make time in the midst of her crazy to stop and pray, we have no excuses for not doing the same.

Creating a habit takes repetition. Research claims a daily habit takes twenty-one days to form, but more than implementing a morning routine we are implementing a habit of coping before our stress meter reaches the red zone. Maybe it means stepping away multiple times a day to “get fresh air” as my husband does. Maybe it’s praying on the toilet, the only quiet time you can get. Maybe it’s a walk at your lunch hour. Or, maybe it’s a combination of many different skills. You may need to trial and error some different coping skills before you find what works best for you and what worked yesterday may not be what works today.  This is why it’s helpful to know of several different skills to implement time after time.

Just like we fuel ourselves physically we need to recharge ourselves emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. We can go to therapy once a week, exercise six days a week, and eat the cleanest diet, but if we are not practicing rest and relaxation on a regular basis it’s all in vain.

Call To Action: For a list of healthy coping strategies, compiled by Danielle, click here  to download or login to our Freebie’s library, where you will find this and dozens of other resources for your physical, mental, and spiritual well-being.  If you are not currently a subscriber, click here to subscribe, join the rest of our series on building healthy habits, and gain full access to my library of helpful resources – for free!  The List of Coping Strategies, along with Healthy Living Scripture Cards, A Prayer to Calm Anxious Hearts, 20 Affirmations for Depression, and more can all be found under the section, “Cultivate Series.”

References:

1. Mackie, Tim and Collins, Jon.  What is the Sabbath?  BibleProject.  Retrieved Februrary 19, 2020 from https://bibleproject.com/videos/sabbath-video/.

2. Batterson, Mark.  (2017).  Whisper: How to Hear the Voice of God.  Colorado Springs, CO: Multnomah.

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About the Author: Danielle Pete is an Amazon junkie, coffee lover, and Disney fanatic. Wife. Mom to one. Therapist. Daughter of the King. She strives to encourage others to live their best life for His Kingdom, not their own. You can follow Danielle’s daily crazy on Instagram @lovethecrazylife and visit her website at http://www.lovethecrazylife.com/.